So, you love the horrible metallic tang of Vegimite and you also love rice! Well, your prayers have been answered with VEGIRICE! (©, ®, ™, Patent Pending).

If this doesn’t convince you, let me tell you a little story. Jimmy was young, about 21 years old. He refused to buy VEGIRICE. I went to his house and personally attempted to “convince him”. He didn’t agree. This is a picture of Jimmy now.

“I TOLD YOU TO BUY IT, BITCH!” (Jimmy is the one being shot by a person who is
definitely not me. In fact, I look much closer to this (picture below))

If you don’t believe me, you’re just mean.

VEGIRICE contains 3 key ingredients, obviously rice and Vegimite, but to add some zest and flavour, we added the winning ingredient of spherical balls of SPAM LITE. That’s right folks, the people here at “Super High In Taste” (S.H.I.T.) know what you want, and we deliver at least one time. So you may be asking, how much will this brilliant product cost to make? Well, you can obviously make it at home easily and quickly out of items you probably already own, or you can buy our special pack, which includes the same things but comes in a snazzy pocket as if to say, “I know I can make this myself, but I’m too fucking stupid.” So, how much would you expect to pay for this? $50? $100? No! That’s right, we’re bringing you the great flavour and S.H.I.T. pouch for only US$8 billion each! Cooking instructions below: (DON’T READ UNLESS YOU HAVE BOUGHT THE POUCH, OR YOU’RE A CHEATER)

How To Make VEGIRICE

Ingredients:

• Rice (approx. 100 grams p.p.)
  
• Vegimite (16 TBS p.p.)
  
• SPAM LITE (cubed, 1 kilogram p.p.)
  

Method:

• First of all, get out a pot. Got it? Good, I just asked you to do that to see if you were paying attention. Now, put it away.
• Get out a frying pan. Get six of your tablespoons of Vegimite for each portion of rice, and thoroughly coat the rice in the Vegimite. This should create a sticky substance with the molecular density of a black hole.
• Now, fry this for approximately 2 hours, or until the noxious fumes make you pass out (whereupon you should turn it off once you regain consciousness).
• Now, get the SPAM LITE which you have soaked in 2 tablespoons of Vegimite for 2 days to marinate (I’m sure I mentioned this at the beginning) and place them in the frying pan.
• Cook until the meat is blackened. Now, serve these on a plate with the remaining Vegimite as the sauce!
• Bon appetite!
  

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