Yo, "homies", it's Teh Ozma here. I'm so "bad" I don't have to spell my name correctly. Seeing as that flamingly homosexual individual Al Kahol has more articles than I do, I figured I'd try and make one that's helpful and doesn't take too many shameless digs at Al. Speaking of Al, did you think it was possible to contract more than 83 diseases in one area at once? Well now you know. No prizes for guessing which area.

Yo-yo: doesn't equal Yo.

Anyway, onto the article. If you noticed, I greeted you in a manner that may seem a little strange, or even frighten some of you. The word "yo" does not, as it may seem, come from the word "Yea", or even the word "yo-yo", but is merely "slang". Bear with me. Now, speaking in this rather peculiar fashion is not easy to master, but once you have succeeded you will be able to join any social circle with ease. You see, there are things in each country called "minorities". That means that there aren't very many of them. Minorities often don't speak English properly, and instead of patronizing and teasing them like an extremely stupid person would, you should learn to speak THEIR language. You can't exactly go up to a group of drug dealers or other such vagabond layabouts on our streets, and ask them for the time in a flippant manner can you? You may need to know that information, though, so I'll give you a sentence which you can use quite easily to get the desired results! Here it is:

"Yo motherfuckers wizza da tizza brothers?"

This may seem daunting, but I'll break it down for you. "Yo" is similar to the phrase "Oi, you over there, pray hark!". "Motherfuckers" is a word that I have been unable to decipher as yet. "Wizza" means "what". Adding "izza" to the end of a word is quite frankly the easiest way to make a word you are unsure about slang. For example, you could say "Oh no, I have found some plutoniuizza!" and everyone would understand you, even the meanest and lowest scoundrel. "Da" is short for the German word "das". This is because of the German Revolution of 1892, in which the German people immigrated en masse to America and began to work in the Great Salt Mines. There they befell many hardships and adventures that included much innuendo but no sex at all (before 1961 it was illegal to have sexual intercourse). This doesn't really have anything to do with my story, because I just figured out that "da" is short for "the". "Tizza", again, is an "izza" word and is short for time. "Brothers" is a collective term that you should use to greet any male encompassed in the category minority. Females are greeting as "Sistah". So it's similar to a cult.

Sometimes, "riced" cars don't turn out so good, despite the amount of money spent on the car.

I'll give you a few words to add to your vocabulary, and then you can make your own sentences out of what I've taught you. "Rice" is not a term meaning food, it means to buy and fit expensive upgrades for a car that is worth less than your average used condom, and then put stickers on it afterwards. "What's up?" quite literally means, "What is up!?" and should be used when there is something dangerous in the immediate vicinity of the person. If they begin to answer, push them aside roughly that the impending calamity is averted. "Bitch" is a term meaning a fine looking person of the opposite sex. For example, if you say "Hey, bitch!" to a woman, she will take it as a compliment. If she does not, then she doesn't speak Minority and you should repeatedly accuse her of racism.

That's the end of my review of the language. So now you know the language, let's get down to the fun part: the culture! You may think that people with such a peculiar language must have a very different culture, but boy are you wrong!

• Minorities include people like Fernando Martinez, if you have ever heard "Chatterbox FM" on the hit game "Great Stealings 18". He is a fine, upstanding member of the Latin community. So what makes Latin people so different? Well, people, they are what you would call, Pimps. A Pimp is a fine gentleman who escorts ladies about town, for a small fee. He makes sure that they are not harmed, and that they don't step out of line. Because there's nothing worse than a lady who talks when not first spoken to. Isn't Fernando a great guy? Some Latin people aren't pimps, that would be a generalization. The rest own Mexican restaurants.

• Another Minority group is Caucasian Males. Caucasian Males are often found in America, England and other nations similar to that, such as North Korea. Their culture consists of eating ramen noodles and going out of their apartments as little as possible, however if they are part of the subgroup Redneck Caucasian Males then they also have sex with their sisters and shoot at random things in the air.
  
  
• Yet another Minority group is Young Asian Girls That Play Dance Dance Revolution. There are almost none of these. The culture of these people is almost wholly centred around the videogame "Dance Dance Revolution", where they spend countless dollars playing. Often Caucasian Males Who Totally Suck (yet another subgroup) try to impress them by spending the GNP of Russia on the game and then showing off their Mad Skillz0rz (another slang word) at this game, only to be beaten without effort by the girls. Avoid both of these Minorities at all costs.

This fine Japanese man is only trying to help you!

Now that you know about a few minorities, you can go into the meaner sections of town, and even the Red Light districts of Tokyo! If you see any suspicious looking men wearing business suits, talk to them by all means. They are friendly Yakuza, which in Japanese means "Those who like to talk to foriegners". They will help you, and if they ask for you to "come out back" in poor English, you should do just that. If they brandish weapons, don't worry, this is the Japanese way of saying hello. The way of saying hello back is for you to punch them in the stomach, hard. They may seem a little angry, but this is just a cultural misunderstanding!

Now get out there and "Bust dat shit, brother!"

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