The features form the meat of the site. Or the chicken, or fish, or rice or whatever you scary people who don't live in Internetland like to eat. We currently have: a few features. But they're all real good. Like me.

The profound effects of advertising This "try and make the article sound smart" joke's been milked to death. Which is why I won't do it anymore. Alright, maybe once or twice more, but that's it. Definitely not three times.

Society Al once again probes deep into the mysterious cavities of our being. With an eleven and a half inch probe!

Driving and the socioeconomic repercussions Get it I put smart sounding titles when they're actually just shit, like all our articles.

How to pen satire successfully More like suck-sessfully. Ha!

Pacman, An Intellectual Investigation If by "an intellectual" you read "not as good as" and by "investigation" you read "whiskey". Then it holds true.

Philosophy 101 And you're not even paying. Shame on you! Also, send us your shameful money, and if you're female, shameful pictures.

Christmas Myths Untangled That sounds like a Discovery Channel documentary that's three hours long with a plot that could be condensed into roughly three lines. But hey, they'd go off on boring tangents half the time so who knows what the hell you'd be watching.

Regarding those most elusive of folk, the British That name still cracks me up. Tony Blair! BAHAHAHAHAH!

Bill Cosby, an expose Don't you just hate people who use Frenchie words like expose because they're pompous, but then don't even bother to use the acute on the "e" because that would require opening MS Word?

My TV show that will rock Damn. It rocks so much. If it were a dinosaur, it would rock.

Ebola This is really important to your life. Kinda like my death one only more important.

We know the REAL truth. And you don't. Unless you've read this.

Vegirice, the tastiest thing this side of Tastyville! Mmm mmm! Get your tastebuds ready for the explosion of taste and also explosives that is Vegirice!

Meat's Magically Magnificent, Mutnano! If your name isn't Mutnano, please pretend it is so my title comes off as smart (for beginning all with M's)

Don't done speak wronged now, y'hear! Seriously now, you people NEED TO READ THIS.

How chat can affect your loved ones! Not really. I was just putting the loved ones in for effect.

The most important thing you'll ever read! Or the least important. I forget which.

How to avoid Death. TM. You need to read this! Unless you either are immortal or have figured out by now that I'm bullshit. So I guess you'll be reading it.

Get down wit' yo homies, brudda! Great learning, A+++++++ info! Would learn again! How to talk convincingly in that scary language that is slang.

Al on Spam. I need to get off my ass. Spam's a tasty meat, much like salami. Unlike salami, however, spam is not processed in the least. Oh yeah, it's a form of email too, if you're some sort of computer nerdy guy. You're not, are you?

Al again. This time, it's WOMEN! (RUN) Well, this doesn't really concern me much seeing as I am fairly popular. Oh, who am I kidding, "fairly popular" would be like saying Hitler killed a few people.

Al Awakens, much to our chagrin. Who doesn't love using the word chagrin? It's such a great word. Oh yeah, the article. It's about weather.

ABOUT THE SITE Stuff about the site, its creators, and what is in store for you in this jam-packed (not literally, we don't use real jam in our breakfast meals, and if we did, it would certainly not be packed with jam. We're not made of jam, you know!) adventure of a website!

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