By Al Kahol Email Author Copyright 4/07/2004
   
Society (duh duh DUHHHH)


Just when you're about to give up on society, society gives up on you. So in an attempt to cover up your crimes of mass puppy kicking, you come crawling back to make friends. Friends which you can give up on, and therefore give up on society as a whole which therefore means that you had the last laugh. And as a wise man once told me, he who laughs last laughs harder. However if something like laughing becomes harder to do by doing it last, then I'm out. Besides, if you're laughing after everyone else you've got people to copy, so it shouldn't be harder. That's right society. I'm walking out on you. I'm fed up. That's it. That's the end of the ballgame. The fat lady has sung and so forth.

And on to another topic:

Wasn't wise my metal ass!

As an equally wise man once told me, "My life and by extension everyone elses is meaningless." Alright, so he wasn't wise and it was actually Bender from Futurama, but I knew he was addressing me directly. Just like the Leprachaun that tells me to burn things. Yeah, I know that's Ralph Wiggum, but it doesn't mean I can't steal his identity and live in Mexico.

Two seperate non-coherant ramblings and they can both tie in together. I can imagine the look on your pasty, white face right now. One eyebrow has risen, the other eye has closed a little and your lips have tightened in a weird face as if to say, "Hmmm. This doesn't make any sense. And why don't girls like me?" Well you're wrong! This does make sense - but it doesn't mean that girls are going to like you.

People blame society when things give them the royal screw-job.

"My life is terrible. I left school and then everyone was against me. The goverment won't even pay my dole cheques. If only a Current Affairs program would let me on TV so I could let everyone hear my story."

Here's a tip asswad - Things went down the proverbial crapper when you left school. The human race goes through an unusually long period of growth when compared to other species. There's about 12 years of nothingness, 6 years of painfully oily adolescence and then congratulations, you're an adult. If I were an animal - possibly a Tiger because they're teh kewl - I'd have been fully grown at around 4 years old. I would also possibly be a father at this stage in my life.
However, things don't work like that for human beings.

Again you ask why. I'm getting sick of your questions, because this isn't an interrogation or Jeopardy. The reason the human race has evolved is to fulfil an important need - Education. If Billy the caveman were to become an adult by four years old, he'd stumble out of his cave needing to kill meat to provide for his even younger family. But without taught hunting skills he'd either cut off his own feet for food or get mauled by a pack of dancing pandas.

If Billy were to stumble out of his house in present day and get into Wall Street and start trading stocks, we'd end up with a hefty tax on Oxygen. This doesn't actually make sense, but this is just an example. He'd probably sell oil back to the middle east and intelligence back to George W. Bush who thought he'd gotten something for nothing. The reason humans are children - the stage at which they absorb information best - is for education. By simply leaving your education, you're screwing yourself out of what evolution gave you for free.

Nothing wrong with an honest days fucking boring work and then going home to 8 kids and a 300 pound wife and oh fuck I just want to fucking end it

So now you've left school and been working at K-Mart for 10 years and you've saved up about $15. Meanwhile, everyone else was having fun at various College and University based institutions and has graduated into the workforce where they earn double your savings every 7.8 seconds. Since you are the scum that swipes things at the checkout that they bought, everyone looks down on you. All of those years of boring, relatively hard labour have done horrors to your body and not only are you too dumb for everyone else, but much too ugly. So whenever you can scrape together the money to go out, only ugly people are attracted to you. Next thing you know you're married to your equal (I'm trying to make this article appeal to both men and women) and things continue to go downhill. Since both of you are too stupid to realise how much money it actually costs to have children, you have 7 kids and expect the government to cough up some dough to feed the little bastards. Oops. The government decided not to pay you any money because you've been cheating them on Workers Compensation for the last 13 years, even though you weren't actually injured.

So now you're on a local Current Affairs program trying to get people to sympethise with you and to try and get some local merchant to tears so that he/she will employ you.

Guess what poindexter? It ain't gonna happen! You're forced to live in poverty for the rest of your life, with no money for retirement.

Let's have a look at someone who stayed at school. Jimmy (I'm using a character for this example, and used 'you' for the poor person. I figured that it worked out best that way), and he stayed at school. Even though he wasn't the best student, he went to University/College and ended up at a reasonably respectable law firm. After years of hard work he was made a 'partner' (I knew those John Grisham book related movies would help out) and was able to retire in comfort at 65.

Which person do you want to be? 'You', or Jimmy? I wouldn't want to be either, because I'm above both of them in the social hierarchy. Nothing says successful like writing articles for a website that doesn't earn any money - yet. Of course you could send us money, that would fix alot of problems.

But overall, people get what they put in. If you fling your crap at your next door neighbour, they aren't going to send you a box of chocolates with a nice note written on fancy paper. They're going to take a dumpster and use a large cannon to fire it into your living room. If a Gridiron player didn't work out and train over the off-season, he'd get back onto the field in the first week of season and literally get flattened and then yelled at by the coach. Then he'd get to the hospital, but since he called the doctor a nerd at school before he left, he'd be refused treatment and die.

If you are at school now you know which people are going to be successful, and which ones you'll end up paying taxes to cover their dole payments. If you've finished school, and I bet you could pick one of those people that quit school, from an old year-book and ring them up. During which you'd be redirected to a trailer park and have a conversation with someone who sounded like a bum.

People also don't like society when things are unfair.

"Oh no, my car got stolen" Guess what? Should have got insurance buddy.

"Damn you god! Your stupid earthquake knocked down my house." Like you were the only one that was affected.

"Why can't the Chicago Cubs when a World Series?" Doctors have cured alot of things, but that can't stop the Cubs from sucking.

As someone said on an old TV show, possibly the Brady Bunch, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade".

Personally, I'd prefer it if life gave me money, or rocks. If life gave me rocks, I'd have something to throw at people.

Some people even say that you make your own luck. Luck or not, if you have every base covered you can't lose. And for every time that some crappy luck hits you, something great happens to someone else. If everyone was constantly happy and things always went their way, people would get fed up when they won 13 cents after all of America won the lottery or every team won the Superbowl.

In closing, take the good with the bad and take every advantage that is given to you. Why leave that cushy environment that is school where you don't have to defend yourself in the hectic real world, when you don't have to leave?

It's far better to be at school for 20 years, work 50 and retire than be at school for 15 years and have to work over 60 years until you're dead. Next time you see bums on the street, ask why they're there. Next time a politician kisses your baby, slap him and ask how he got to where he is. Infomercial voice-over guys, Chuck Norris, middle-age people making burgers at McDonalds, they all have one thing in common - quitting school, which leads to miserable failure.

Rarely does anyone quit school and become an unbridled success. And frankly, if you think you're going to be a success, you wouldn't be at this site.

So do what I tell you. Pretend you're in communist Russia and don't disagree with me and my mighty might. One minute you're fighting with me, the next your fighting to steal bread for your moron family.

I bet this loser's bank account isn't in the red

Well, I've covered a couple of areas of why people don't like society, and the people who often complain. By that I mean the poor and stupid. If you were rich or smart, or both, why would you wear baggy clothes and spray paint your name all over national landmarks? If you were smart you'd stay in school and then be reasonably wealthy at very least. Generally though, idiots seem to be most prevalent. There are numerous reasons for this.

Of course there is the lack of education that I have listed before, but there are reasons. Perhaps all those years of eating delicious spam have created a coating of salt around your brain, effectively pickling it. A more obvious idea of what makes people stupid is TV.

Go and have a look through your TV Guide. What's on TV? Any clever sitcoms? Thought provoking movies or dramas? Not likely. It's Reality TV and crap aimed at most teenagers that are actually pretty damn stupid and gullible. The reason these people are major demographics is because you can put a famous person, soft drink or some other product together, licensed music and be able to sell it as though you were giving it away for free. Think about it.

So you have people doing less work and watching more TV. Gone are the days when you could watch a clever and witty show and laugh hysterically. Now we have bad slapstick humor and fart jokes. Worse yet are shows that are centered around bad sexual puns and innuendo. And don't forget everyone's good friend - Reality TV.

If I were to get a camera and stand outside a family's living room and watch them around the clock, I'd be arrested. But if it were part of a reality TV show, I'd be swimming in money and making average Joe Moron famous for doing what you are doing right now - nothing.

So lets recap a little shall we.

Idiots quit school and make life harder for those of us who actually think. Yet bad TV today and to a lesser extent the Internet (the site alone makes the internet better) makes people stupider.

I don't care what you say, watching educational TV is the equivalent of playing Tiger Woods 2004 to improve your golf

So if there is on average 3 TV's in every family home that means that everyone is becoming stupider by the day. This therefore means that any children in this household take on a 'simpleton' approach to life and end up with the biggest dream in their life being to wrestle a pig and eat it.

What does this mean for you? Well, not much. All you can do it try to put off the inevitable. Society wants you to be a moron and then complains incessantly when it gets exactly what it deserves.

Don't say that it doesn't happen. America elects George Bush and is happy when he fights terrorism, and then complains when it costs money and there was false information. You elect a chump, he'll make mistakes. You get what you deserve. I'd just hate to see what Governah Arnahld Schwartaneggah comes up with for California.

You buy low-fat ice-cream because you're too stupid to realise that not eating ice-cream would solve your cellulite issues, and then complain when it tastes bad. Here's a tip fatty, don't eat ice-cream. Then it won't have a chance to taste bad, and you won't gain weight.

Well my little article on society has ended up in a bash against politics and fat people. But you're to blame. If you didn't come to the site, I wouldn't have to write more material to feed your appetite for A-class humor like the salivating dogs that you are. So by having to write an article I wrote this abomination against the English language and you read it. I bet you're complaining against how stupid this is. But if you hadn't read it and though about coming to this site first of all, it wouldn't have happened.

Life gave you lemons buddy, so make lemonade. You better hope that it tastes good.


 

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