Oh, look who came crawling back to Mathematics.

We all remember Pac-man don't we?

There was Pac-man, Mrs. Pac-man and my personal favorite, Gender Neutral Pac-person.

Never in history did people enjoy moving a small yellow dot that ate small, white dots and ghosts. However one wrong move and bam! A ghost upside the head.
But don't worry all of you fearful old women, Pac-man could eat fruit to replenish whatever the hell it is that an eating yellow dot needs.

However there is more to Pac-man than what initially meets the eye.
Taking a cross section of Pac-man, we can see that he keeps the same shape and does not feature all of the fatty organs that we as humans have inside us. I have hybrid organs, and I suggest you get the same. For example, I have gills and not lungs. If you would wish to have gills as well, take your lungs out and mail them to me, and you'll recieve your gills within 7 days. If you would wish to have larger genitals, cut them off and mail them to me. They will be promptly given to my secretary in the dumpster and my laughter at your pain and small genitals will be mailed to you immediately.

Pac-man though is full of greyness and a strange green triangle. This (for those of you who don't have a Phd. in Video-game and Nerdology) is his heart. The red lines, and to a lesser extent the horizontal green arrow that continues out of Pac-man's behind are all very important and you should take note. I'm not sure why you'd read this and take notes, and when you might even use them, but it's all important.

But there is a very good reason for all of these biological shananigans and I'll explain them very shortly. Shortly being the extra time it takes you to read this unnecessary sentence, which if read makes you a loser and there's nothing you can do about it.

See. You read it.

Loser.

Anyway, to get back on track and off the topic of you being a loser, Pac-man has been designed in such a way to stop total destruction when eaten by a ghost. But that makes a ghost a solid object which doesn't make much sense. It's poor pimp or a popular nerd. They just don't happen.

The ghosts were modelled way better than this. And, they were much hotter.

When eaten by a ghost, the first thing that happens is that his heart shoots out of his backside because of shock, as the green arrow shows. However, since he doesn't need it, this isn't a big deal.

As you may all remember, the classic death of Pac-man is for his mouth to open up say, 120 degrees so that there is a horizontal line along the top of Pac-man's body. This is shown also by the green heart/ass/fire line. This would continue until mysteriously Pac-man would dissappear. The curved line marked with "Angle" is the way that the mouth continuosly opens until Pac-man eats himself (or some crap, i don't know). The arrow is also pointing the wrong way for this to make sense. But the Art department comprised of no-one often makes mistakes.

The line marked "Distance" which runs from the green triangular heart to the outer edge of Pac-man is used only by him to show how much weight he is losing. This line was much larger last summer when he couldn't fit into a Speedo, and is much, much more important with Mrs. Pac-man who often diets and complains generally about physical apperance.
You know, it's a chick and gay thing.

Not for us straight guys though. Nothing works better to pick up chicks who care about appearance than being a fat, lazy and above all, ugly slob. If you're also smelly and don't brush your hair, you're close to becoming a super-stud.

Anyway, that is the important biological information for Pac-man, used in the flimsy pretext that I found a picture that sort of looked like Pac-man while searching for 'boids' on Google image search.

However it is important information that no nerd from the 1980's should go without.

So defy everyone else. Don't go online with your PS2, don't play the latest games like GTA, MGS, KOTOR and anything else that is now known with a stupid acronym. Play Pac-man and play it proudly, because with your new knowledge of our intrepid yellow circle, you can truly appreciate such a 'wonderful' game.

You might also want to try and actually grow pimples and wear a garish orange T-shirt that announces to all that you are a, "Dungeon Master".

If you want to be truly cool like me, that's what you'll need to do. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some Pac-man to play underwater. (see, I'm using the fact that I have gills to make a joke. And if you can't see that then you're not worth the Soylent Greens you're made of).

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