This is beautiful, Al. Admit it.

Has anyone else noticed how pointless the entire journey of life actually is?
You are born in a process that makes you feel sick when your parents drop inuendos at the dinner table, and then you are forced to spend at least the next 10 or so years of your life stuck in school learning about History, the interior of a rat and mathematical equations that could not possibly have any use in real life. For example, I argued back in year 7 as to the use of algebra. The teacher replied with, "Well, if you were having a party and were buying pizza perhaps. Maybe, 'x' amount of people would be invited, eating 'y' slices of pizza might mean that you'd buy 'z' amounts of pizzas".

Well guess what moron, I can't walk into Pizza Hut and ask for 'z amounts of Pepperoni'. Besides, a normal person would have a general idea of the amount of people coming, and would just buy more pizza than necessary so they can eat it for breakfast the next day. This eternal struggle between sane student and math teacher that has so obviously lost it (i.e- not their viginity), continued through until school where I am today.
Now it involves more complicated algebra, stupid graphs and more of the same. Again, I ask the teacher of the real life use of this, and the teacher explains that perhaps I might be a judge at Javelin. Using my superior algebra and graphing techniques, I could figure out the trajectory and distance of a throw before it's even thrown.

Dear god! The 2008 Olympics will have a stunning Javelin event. Competitors will just walk to the throwing area, and pretend to throw a javelin, while I figure out which 'throw' would have gone further. Or better yet, I can factor in the wind, weight/height ratios and strength, and determine who wins without any competitor even having to move.

Or, they could actually throw the javelin.

Then we have History. It's strange to think that maybe thousands of years in the future, people will learn about the history of today's civilisations. With George W. Bush and moron terrorists, they're going to be sorely dissapointed. But the way I see it, is that if I were living in the future, I wouldn't give a shit about what happened at the turn of the millenium, so why should I care about ancient civilisations now?

So far you've been reading (well, you should be) and that means that you understand most of the English language. So why in the hell do we have to learn French or German or some crap.
I'm sorry for everyone that doesn't speak English, because you better learn. We that already speak English speak what is going to become the most commonly spoken language (like it isn't already), so therefore everyone else has to catch up. Sure, I learn Japanese, but only to say things like "I have a gigantic penis" or something to people that don't understand what I'm saying. There's nothing like having the Principal commend you on your foreign speaking skills after you just called them a gay prostitute.

In fact, the only important classes that people might learn are basic maths (like adding up sports scores), English (except for book reports, poetry and our good friend Shakespeare) and Science.
The rest of it is absolute garbage.

DOCTOR SEUS DOCTOR SEUS! OOOOOOOOOOOOH DOCTOR SEUS!!!

But don't forget, this is all put behind you after at least 10 years, and then you can further your education if you choose to, which is a good idea. One thing I was thinking about though, is that what would happen if everyone bypassed University/College etc? Sure, everyone would be stupider, but being a dumbass in a world of dumbasses makes you average. Like being of average intelligence now. Or instead of further education, why not just having no school whatsoever?
We might regress back into apes, but who doesn't like bananas and picking their asses?

Anyway, to get back on track or life being pointless.

So you've finished school and moved into the 'real world'. You start meaningless relationships which is just a Hallmark Corporation excuse to cover up the need for sex and to create crap like Valentines day. Relationships often end up in despair and loss of lots of money. Speaking of money, this is lost in the need to support children, buy houses, insurance, taxes and all of the other crap that needs to be paid for, as well as buying gifts to make women just shut up and stop complaining. I know that won't make some feminists happy, but it's the truth (right guys?)

Or why not just print more money, or make things cheaper. If everything became cheaper, people would buy more.

For example, if you could buy one Ferrari for $500, why not buy 7? I know I would, just so I could show up Jay Leno and his car collection.

In summary, you've been born, had no real memories up until about 5 years old, wasted your time in school, possibly got married, had kids, wasted money in houses and the assorted crap necessary with those, let your kids become drug addicts and die, got divorced and end up in an old folks home.

That's where I will continue from now; that fact that whether you like it or not, you're going to get old (accept it you Hollywood whores, it's going to happen).

Ahhh, Google. Able to give abstract concepts like memory loss confusingly crappy pictorial form.

The greatest insult of getting old is that you may lose your memory. You've wasted all of your time on Earth and you can't even remember it? When you die and get to heaven, there's a certain giver and taker of life wearing a white robe up there that needs some kidney punches. That is providing you don't need His kidneys to replace yours which have failed you after years of drinking.

So now your old and useless to the world. You're probably on a pension because while you were messing around in school, nerds were doing their thing and took all of the accounting jobs later on.
You're family makes fun of you behind your frail, wrinkled back and you wake up every day needing a nurse to empty your bag of pee because you can't get to the toilet in an old folks home.

Then you die, get put in a box, gift wrapped, and then incinerated. Or if you aren't lucky enough to have that happen, put in a hole in the ground to rot for a few years.

I have now systematically and articulately broken down life itself in order to try and find the meaning of it. The initial meaning of life is that there is no meaning. Biologically, it is to continue the human race and spiritually (providing there is any) to simply be a nice guy and then die and go to Heaven.

However I found my own meaning, and maybe that's what everyone needs to find. Their own meaning. To find what they are good at and then exploit that. Think carefully about your talents for a moment. It's easy, it's not rocket surgery.

Maybe it's being a humanitarian, sportsperson, bum or pimp. Personally, I feel that my meaning of life is to pick holes in things and to point out the obvious, whilst being generally discouraging and cruel to people trying new things and then ultimately failing.

I hope that over the last few minutes of your reading that you have become enlightened as to your existance and the purpose of you wasting oxygen.

For those of you who haven't, stop wasting oxygen for the people who need it (like me), stop reproducing (we don't need a continuous stream of morons in the gene pool) and most importantly, take your flabby ass and send it off the edge of a tall building or into oncoming traffic.

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