History is filled with frauds, corruption and cover-ups.

It was inevitable that this would happen, and it has. But with these things, we can't simply have sex scandals flying around with fat chicks or funny sounding presidents staying at the Watergate hotel.
Instead, a bunch of men in tailored suits and Ray-ban sunglasses cover everything up.
And no, not the Men in Black or the goths from the Matrix.
I'm talking about Special Services. And NO, they are not the people you call to fix your car or you call on a 1900 number.

These people cover things up anyway they can. Kill all of the witnesses, murder all onlookers, make all viewers die and other similar activities.
But I'm only talking about the American Secret Services. There was in fact a similar organization called the Gestapo, that did their own bit of murderising the public.
They also used brainwashing techniques, unknown to most at the time and subliminal advertising-esque techniques as well.
By infiltrating American printing presses, and changing all anti-Nazi posters that were to be printed, they changed the whole of America into a bunch of lazy, opinionated fattys. Fortunately, this obese band of people still managed to win the war.

"And how do you know about this sublimimal brainwashing, and where can I find a slice of pizza?"

I hear you, and now I will explain.

Uncle Sam has been a great source of patriotic sap over the generations over the years.
He's been in every poster except, "I want you! To cover me in macaroni!"
An example of this is shown here.

The Gestapo knew of everyone's attachment to this Uncle Sam and changed the posters in such a way that everyone who looked at it fell under the Nazi spell.

Using a special, super-high-tech computer program, I have managed to show this. You see, the Nazi message is only visible in the negative form of the picture. You can see that not only is Uncle Sam very pro-Nazi, he also sports a snazzy bright pink Hitler moustache.
He must also be a flagrant homosexual, as he even speaks in pink text.

Fortunately, this never worked for the Nazis. And for the man in tight jeans that is trying to sell me things on the street corner; IT STILL ISN'T WORKING!

However, now America is a country of freedom. Unless you're in jail, harrassing a movie star or following the laws.
It is also a country of big fat slobs who are putting out Uncle Sam's garbage without knowing, and consuming copious amounts of macaroni.

For this you should thank me, for telling you this now; at least 50 years after you should know.

And while Secret Services is going to kill me:

- JFK was a robot
- Nixon was a woman
- Clinton is actually gay. Monica Lewinsky was a man (go figure....)
- Bill Gates is actually running the world with a high-tech computer 300 miles under the Earth's surface
- Soylent greens are purchased under 'a large golden M'
- Burger King is affiliated with McSoylents
- Mardi Gras is really a front for a Government drug party.

Now to get chopped up into small pieces, and then found to have committed suicide hiding in a hole in Cuba...

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