Don't mess. Seriously now.

Being highly intellectual beings, us humans often find ourselves being superior. These are things such as running businesses, imitating Chuck Norris, or killing animals for food or pleasure just to show Mother Nature that there's nothing that she can do about it.
And if she thinks she can, maybe about 10 nuclear warheads into the earth's crust will sort her out. Believe me, nothing will go wrong. It's in the constitution!
Well, actually only the right to bear arms, drink and drive and verbally attack anyone from another country within a 10 mile radius, but that doesn't matter at the moment. Well actually, it does. Mother Nature is always within 10 miles of you, so I think that it would be best if you just walk down the street, indiscriminately shouting abuse.
For best effect, dress up like a hobo, and carry a tin of beans in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other. If this bag isn't filled with booze (the label should actually read booze), then you're not a real hobo!

That's right Billy. You aren't a hobo.
Go get a real job you bum!

That's enough Billy bashing for one article, which now after reading through it, is getting out of control, while the english skills exhibited get constantly worse.

So being highly intellectual beings, we often find ourself killing things as Chuck Norris would. We then stand over the carcass of the last endangered Rhino and saying something like, "Yeah, that sure will look good above my fireplace".

But who am I kidding? You don't really sound like that. You would sound more like this. "Yup, now that there's a real purdy Rhiny that'll be hunged up riiight above me fireplace"

MMMMMMMMM!!!

See, you are a redneck. If you're inner voice doesn't sound like that, I would ask you to change it right now. Also, seeing everything from a redneck point of view helps out with the abuse and neglect of the earth, thus killing Mother Nature and her army of trees that will one day get out of the ground and turn us into Soylent Greens. Which is actually quite ironic, because it is in fact the trees that are green. We'd be more of a mushy red color, maybe with the occasional splinter of bone or teeth here and there.

And that's right folks, I have once again got off target. It really isn't that hard of a thing to do. I just start an article and then put in one funny comment before I start offending people and talk about the horrible painful death of us all.
And that isn't in the constitution, just the Bible.

Anyhoo, with us being superior and all, we have the basic grasp of the english language. Except rednecks and the french.
But with this grasp of the english language comes certain sayings. Things that you hear every day, much like the following:

Get out of my garbage you bum!

Boy, time sure does fly

I'm sorry, I'm afraid that Billy is in the slaughterhouse

I'm afraid that Billy is dead

I'm sorry sir. You seem to have purchased Billy's processed carcass. Enjoy!

If you hadn't stumbled into the AA meeting drunk, we may have been able to actually serve alcohol

This is not the time or place! If you wish to resume shooting people, I would suggest that you go to Iraq

This is not the library and you are not William Shakespeare.

This is a library, and I'm sorry Mr. Hawking, but we don't have a wheelchair ramp.

Actually, those are just things that I hear regularly, but one that we can all relate to is the saying, "Boy, time sure does fly".

Now I mean really. Actually I don't mean really, it was just another stupid figure of speech.

But what does it really mean?

Time doesn't fly, it doesn't even walk. I sure as hell haven't seen time swimming as of late. And what's up with the 'boy' remark at the start? And the words 'sure' and 'does' have no meaning.

According to me, there is only one answer.

Whoever said this to you is a pedophile with a slight interest in aviation.

All this, and that's all I came up with.
Even I'm dissapointed.

Actually, I haven't failed!
It's a new trend and one that I plan to keep in tact. But the fact of the matter is, is that when I set out to talk about stupid sayings that people have, I in fact came across several others. All of which are thrown into the general blender that is the consortium of various large knives, Feasties, which then broke my ideas down into small bite sized pieces that were dropped on the floor, stepped on, dropped in a large coke and then fried into food again using the grill that is my overly large forehead on an exceptionally hot day.

Some people will be missed less than others.

From all of that to try and lengthen this even more, thus stealing more time from your precious life (see, this is the way I kill people. No lasers, no guns, just long articles), I have figured out one thing!

Mother Nature, the writer of the bible, teaming up with the Tree people of Planet Redneck (later re-named Alabama) have created multiple weird sayings. These sayings have been proof read by Chuck Norris for authentisity. But unfortunately, Chuck read them all wrong, much the way he used an ab-toner as a 'great lower body work-out' on an info-mertial I was watching.Because of this, Chuck didn't die, but instead released them for the whole world to read. Thus killing everyone and turning them into Soylent Greens. But because everyone is now making new products from the original idea (such as Vanilla Coke), Soylent Greens Red was created. This stupid use of colors was frowned upon by the saucer people of Tea-Cup 9 who were subsequently 'shattered' by this news. This created the Sugar People of Joe's Diner to get out of their packets and destroy the universe.

It's amazing what can happen in the space of time it takes to read one of my articles. Which by the way, probably took at least 3 hours.

Unless you're not a redneck, in which case it took much less.

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