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Now we all hear about how bad video
games are for children. And possibly some adults as
well. I'm not in either category as I am above all human
life and don't have to live by your facist rules and
regulations. For example, wearing a shirt in public
or wearing a hat when visiting the Solarium.
Although, if I didn't wear a hat I would get a better
tan.
But with me being your almighty and
having published multiple version of my very own Bible,
which is actually a remake of Dr. Seuss's classic, Yurtle
the Turtle, you better believe that I know at least
17 kinds of sass!
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| KNEEL BEFORE
YURTLE! |
But my Bible is called, Yurtle the Almighty
Overlord of your Tiny Planet!
I am Yurtle. I thought that was a good
name for an overlord. For you see, invaders would come
from another planet, and see me.
"Oh look! With an overlord with
such a cute name as Yurtle, they can be beaten, and
beaten severly!"
Then I would jump up and say, "BLAAAAAAAARGH!!!"
This would then send them packing back
to their own planet.
And I do believe out of the 4 assy articles
I have written, this one got off-topic faster than usual.
I guess you could say that is a real plus, as you started
reading about a new topic before the other one had really
even begun. So in a way, this is on topic.
Anyway, back to video games.
So with us all being told about how bad video games
are, lets just look at multiple cases over history thus
far.
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| Let's tell it
how it was, people! |
We all remember World War II.
Now if we remember correctly, this was started by the
Germans. This was because they had played a game called,
"Nazi Regime: Battle for the World"
So, being the short mustache, impressionable Europeans
that they were (and maybe still are), they started a
war.
Thankfully, Winston Churchill after playing, "Winston
Churchill: Intergalactic Superhero", knew how to
handle the situation. Oddly enough, he would play a
game that he put his name to, that had nothing to do
with anything.
Donning his best tight pants and cape, he stood up to
the Germans, who upon seeing him blew up and become
those horrible sausages. Don't ask me how it happened,
but you can't argue with history.
These World War II games were a beginning
of the evil gaming empire to be looked over by the Godzilla
like Sony Company with its dry Japanese wit and the
oil tycoon, Bill Gates.
This Bill Gates with his oil also made millions with
his games revolving around Saddam Hussein.
Gulf War: Battle for the oil
and
George Dubbya Bush: Battle for his
fathers acceptance, with many Iraqi casualties.
The latter had a name that was too long,
and was later shorted to:
America: Fight against Terrorism.
This new name was then sent to the UN
who rejected it after loser countries like Camaroon
and South Paraguay decided not to vote.
In the end, the game was titled:
Human Shields: We block bombs with
our bong-smoke!
All were happy, except for the human
sheilds, so we just threw money at them until they all
were happy. Then we dropped more so they drowned in
it.
Now lets look at another significant
event in history, the moon landing.
Neil Armstrong had recently played a
game called, "Superhero spaceman:Intergalactic
flight to a big rock in the sky that has no meaning,
and wouldn't glow if it weren't for the sun, so let's
visit the sun instead! A muppet oddysey with a lemon
twist 2048"
All were a little bemused by this game,
and Neil delivered what he played. A slight lemon twist.
That was really about it.
He sat on his ass, played some golf and then drove around
a car with no class at all. If he drove a Pimp-moble,
I might be impressed.
Then NASA, played a game called, "Superhero
Coverup: Let's screw over a whole nation"
They liked the sound of this, so left
Neil to do his lemon thing on the moon and film the
whole landing in a studio. This worked well, except
for the Mexican Director constantly running onto the
'moon' and yelling, "If this were porno, you would
not be hired!"
So then for the next 40 years, not much
happened.
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d_rumzfeld[]:
ROFL g_bsuh R OWNT!!!!!!111~
g_bsuh: U R A SNIPAR F4G!!! UES KNIVE! |
A copy of Counter Strike got installed
on the FBI computers and gave everyone a scare, which
was conveniantly called, "The Millenium Bug"
so that people wouldn't suspect that it was in fact
their own government making up stupid 'haxor' talk,
so they just made people spend their life savings on
buying freeze-dried food and cower in their basements.
Then we flash forward to the Grand Theft
Auto games, which helped me live out my dream of genocide,
but then when people started respawning, I changed my
outlook to crazy madman with a large gun, killing people
for the fun of it.
Then some parents complained, psychologists appeared
on current affairs programs and tried to look important,
and in the midst, they had missed the real problem.
The Grinch was stealing christmas!
The Grinch was in fact Jim Carrey who
had got the idea of stealing Christmas when he made,
The Grinch, and possibly, when he made, Ace Ventura
VI: There's a dolphin trapped in my hair.
This in fact proves that in a round-about
fashion, I have described a much more serious issue.
It is not only video games that are
to blame. There are things such as TV and movies, and
problems occur when society and particularly a childs
parents look the other way and miss what might really
be happening, and taking the easy answer.
That answer in fact happens to be that it was the fault
on behalf of video games. But who bought the child this
game, who allows them to continue playing it, and who
may be the person that may in fact be the bad influence
themselves?
You don't have to be a gun-toting redneck to be a bad
influence.
Who knows, your child stealing
that garbage truck and butchering the driver may have
been a cry for attention, not a move they learnt on,
"Garbage Man: Battle to Laziness and beyond".
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